Inside My Head

the literary rantings of Angie Frissore

Major depression is boring as f&*k.

Most people would think that the hardest part of major depressive episodes is, well, feeling depressed. The primary symptoms of a depressive episode are overwhelming: the persistent feeling of worthlessness and hopelessness, hypersensitivity to just about everything, hypersomnia – the list goes on and on, even including actual, physical pain.

The truth is the hardest aspect of finding yourself smack in the middle of a depressive episode is that it’s boring as hell.

Depression makes one lose any and all interest in the things one would normally do and enjoy. When a ‘level’ person is bored, they simply turn to activities they enjoy. But when this appeal goes AWOL, there’s virtually nothing that can hijack one’s engagement. There’s nothing else to do, because depression keeps you from wanting to.

My old standby when I am bored is writing. Much of my writing is based on entertainment, primarily horror movies and stand-up comedy. I am also an avid photographer, baker, and dog parent. The amount of distraction and entertainment I possess on a normal day is mind-boggling.

Then depression sweeps in, much like I would imagine one’s in-laws showing up unannounced for an extended stay. It demands your attention like a child’s tantrum – screaming and yelling until you’re finally under its control. It sits in your mind, adding its two cents to every healthy thought pattern you try to muster.

Listen to some stand-up? Yeah, right. That’s assuming the depression will even allow you to entertain the notion of self-soothing with laughter. It’s not that the comedy doesn’t work in cheering one up – it’s more that depression literally holds you hostage and robs you of the ability to make active choices. It’s a voice that’s always there with a firm “no”.

I could take the dog out for a long walk as that is always enjoyable.

“No way, you’re gonna end up crying, people will notice, and then you’ll just feel worse about yourself,” the depression quips.

I could binge watch old 80’s horror movies, since those are my favorite.

“You’ve seen all of those too many times anyway.”

I could read a book.

“HAHAHAHHAHA not gonna happen, lady.”

So seriously, if you know someone going through a major depressive episode and you don’t know what to do to help, start with getting them out of their own environment. It’s hard to motivate one’s self to leave the confines of one’s depressive environment, and sometimes all it takes is a friend to come along and say, “Hey, let’s go to the mall and laugh at people for awhile.”

It’s that simple.

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August 25, 2015 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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