Inside My Head

the literary rantings of Angie Frissore

“When you gracefully creep in…”

After settling in for the rare occasion of a pasta dinner for one last night (funny how the desire to cook a proper meal wanes the more one lives a solitary life), I settled in for some mindless television programming and internet surfing.

I opened up Yahoo messenger – simply due to the need to delete someone from my contacts whom I no longer care to hear from – and was presented with something that part of me always knew was forthcoming but never wanted to receive: a missed IM from Christopher.

“I hope you’re okay,” the message simply stated.

Am I okay? Well, I’d probably be better off without thoughts of him constantly popping into my head.  Clear memories of standing on his porch drinking 32-ounce daquiris and laughing at passers-by.  Memories of little tender moments – him lovingly tending to an overly sunburned New Englander who cannot handle six hours in the Louisiana sun, his numerous calls to my mother as he sat waiting for me to wake up from surgery.  Memories of future planning. Moments of us.

In one month’s time, I was to be packing up and moving south.  I was to be starting my new life with him.

And now, I wish I’d never even kissed his lips that day years ago, walking through the Natick common.

But I did, and now this is what I am left with…too bitter for fond memories, too heartbroken to matter.

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September 18, 2008 Posted by | Randomness | , , | 1 Comment

You can run, but you can’t hide.

It always manages to find you.

The moment you think you’ve beaten it, risen above it…it sneaks up behind you and follows you closely, waiting.

Waiting for you to let your guard down.  Waiting for the inevitable dramatic moment in which you flew too close to the sun…waiting to catch you.

It waits for vulnerability.  A poorly-received criticism from a supervisor, from a friend.  A moment of bruised egos and hurt feelings.  It’s there, knowing that you’ll soon run back into it’s embrace.

And so you retreat.  You hide in your safe, solitary world where the lack of drama provides a lonely comfort.  You ignore it.  It follows your every step but you look elsewhere, hoping it won’t be there still when you look back.

Inevitably, you embrace it.  You surrender to it.  Because deep down, you’ve known nothing else.

September 17, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment