Ten Reasons Why I’ll Never Truly Grow Old….

But on the flip side, I’m often reminded of why growing old seems so shocking to me.  I haven’t really grown up yet, let alone old.  I have to remind myself sometimes that I am not a fresh-faced twenty-something, because at times, one would think I was a mere teenager….

1.    I will always believe that any conflict can be resolved using the “Rock, Paper,       Scissors” method of justice.
2.    At any given time, on any given day, Cartoon Network is being aired in my home. I do not have children.
3.    Flatulence makes me giggle.
4.    When only the dog is looking, I grab a hairbrush and sing along in the mirror.
5.    Upon seeing a lush, green field of open grass, I still must prove that I can do a round-off-back-tuck like it’s my job.
6.    My old roommate and I utilize hand puppets to perform Garbage songs on video.
7.    Situational tension and awkwardness can always be broken by taking the piss out of random passers-by.
8.    You will have to rip my Pink Panther pajama pants out of my cold, dead hands.
9.    I discuss, at length, how Tom & Jerry is representative of modern society and its struggles.
10.    I will turn off the automatic doors at the grocery store and sit in my car, mocking you as you slam into the glass that did not open.

10 Reasons I am Officially Old

I spent the morning discussing various weather-related topics, the bulk of which relating to driving in the lovely, ice-laden Commonwealth of Massachusetts.  This sparked many a revelation in my mind and the minds of others, as we began to notice the many ways by which we see ourselves getting old.

Inspired by my friend Dave Pye (www.davepye.com) and his list of old-age signs, I present to you my list of reasons why I, at the tender age of 30, have officially become OLD.

1. I was asleep on New Years Eve well before midnight.  This was due largely in part to a nasty chest cold, which, in the past, would never have deterred the usual NYE festivities.  I actually preferred to stay in, wrapped in the comfort of my blankets and celebrating with NyQuil shots rather than bubbly.
2. I watch home videos when all alone.  Some old, some new, but I watch them.  Willingly. Happily.  Misty-eyed-ly.
3. Large groups of teenagers intimidate me at times.
4. I received a grooming kit for Christmas, and was absolutely tickled pink.  I no longer use one nail clipper for all of my grooming needs.
5. I, much like my friend Dave, do not enjoy being tailgated.  I will slow down to a crawl, ride my brakes, speak (yell) to you in my mirrors, and contemplate slamming on the brakes just to make you hit my car and feel like an idiot.
6. I reprimand young punks when I hear vulgar language in public, especially around little children.
7. I clean up public areas of my apartment building that others have trashed rather than adding to the damage.
8. In one doctor’s appointment, I walked away with tendonitis in both wrists and a slipped disc in my back.
9. I cannot enjoy a Saturday unless I’ve gotten out of bed before 8:30 and have cleaned the entire apartment.
10. Getting drunk involves setting aside 24-48 hours of recovery time, regardless of the amount of alcohol imbibed.

What makes you feel old??